Themes
- Feeding her hungry baby
- Freedom from errors
- The huggy-puggy
- Nayra at school
- The last night of dance & Glamour
- From Nayra to Aaji
- Divinity & Tradition
- The comparison & No Tuxedo Vs. Less than perfect Tuxedo
- Small Pleasures (Raam Laddu)
- Protecting her baby from cold
....
Bullying & own it
Introducing her baby to muska bun
Curd & Cream Laad
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Mum understanding ocd and wanting to be a part of my stammering journey
Giving advice & bonding & feeling relevant
Fear of drug & psychiatrist
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Finding the blanket and crafting a narrative around it
MATERNAL LOVE
Maternal Instinct is transcendental. There is something really fundamental about a mom wanting to feed her baby - as fundamental as life itself. (I had ganga-jamna dal with bharta and seviyan)
FEAR
Awareness & Choice Vs. Immersive & Spontaneous
Error. 5 letters but a lot of weight. What is the error element? It is the urge to cognitively undo a stressed emotion. (Nayra is dependent on others to undo her stressed emotions, that is why she is so dependent on her parents.)
She is not aware of her unclear speech or her apparently random actions. She freely expresses herself. (She does not know so many things but she still keeps herself engaged through her imagination)
Madness & Liberation
If an adult does the same actions as Nayra, he will be considered mad. When the logical structure breaks, there is no understanding, no cognition. There is only a release of raw life energy. It is this life energy that is so charming.
Getting What You Want
Not getting what I want triggers stressed emotions and the process of relief restoration starts.
Putting in a lot of unnecessary effort to get what I want also triggers stress and thus the process of justification (to show to be free from guilt OR to defend as warranted or well-grounded) for achieving relief restoration starts
Actually getting what you want is just not in your control. What is in your control is...make effort for things you value.
Fear & Divinity
Leaving the unresolved emotion (secondary stressor) to God (the supreme director) can be helpful
Remember & Retrigger
No matter how clear a mental picture is, it gets hazy with time, even over a few hours or minutes - making you feel you are back to square one. It triggers anxiety and thus restarts the never-ending process of clarity-restoration. (never-ending process of cloud (anxiety) & rain (relief) )
It may also trigger guilt and may restart the process of justification for achieving total relief restoration.
Entropy (randomness) always increases.
BONDING - THE JUNGLEE HUGGY-PUGGY
One of the things that is characteristic of our relationship is the unbridled huggy-puggy. It is not sexual, even though it is physical. It is the oxytocin magic, that is different from testosterone and very similar to petting a cute animal, a golden retriever or a cow.
It is an "overwhelm of a feeling" - the cuteness feeling
FEAR & PLAY (NAYRA AT SCHOOL)
The fear of being 'alone' - neither papa nor muma
The happiness of 'playing' - objects, shapes, sizes & colour can be so fascinating and new
A. I am imagining new objects, new shapes, sizes (or size contrasts), colour & touch/sound that I have never seen/heard/felt before
B. I am imagining having control over them, being able to manipulate them
If these two conditions are met, then I can play like Nayra.
The fear of being alone is actually the fear of being lost.
To simulate that fear, I have to imagine that everyone that I knew is no longer there and is wiped off the face of the Earth. OR I have irrevocably been transported to another galaxy. It is scary
LAST NIGHT OF DANCE & GLAMOUR
Why alcohol always goes with dance?
Why looking good feels so good?
Dance is an expression of freedom and physical relief (as opposed to physical tension) and physical health. It goes with music. It is a physical manifestation of the sense that the music creates. I would like to think, dancing with all your heart, when your movements become automatic and smooth, is one of the doorways to the hidden special world.
Music + Dance + Alcohol = Apparently the best
Looking good feels so good because it meets the basic need of 'social acceptance'?
There is another element - when you look yourself in the mirror and get attracted to yourself. If I had met me, I would be attracted.
To look desirable feels good.
To be desired by the person you desire is another doorway to the hidden special world
SMALL PLEASURES
The smell of the fresh rain (petrichor), gentle cool breeze on your face, the winter sunshine, to learn a new thing, muska bun, the cool soft "liquidy" curd and half-dream half-awake caress.
Walking into home haven sanctuary
Sing along in car
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